Session notes from the late-night Girl Genius session Dale played at Die Con. This campaign was a complete disaster from start to finish, bogged down in complete batshit insane nonsense, all pretense of subtlety and drama shot to death immediately without warning the moment our characters spoke to each other. This is why I said to Ted, "You would have hated it."
Ted: Yeah, I may have. But, as I know diddly-squat (that's a fourth of a jack-squat, btw) about the world, since it was a one-shot, and given your description, it sounds like it was pretty enjoyable game. Kinda bummed I missed. Still, the Cthulu and Stargate games were really fun. Dale, I need to tell you about the Stargate session.
Somehow, though, it turned out fucking hilarious. Foglio's Girl Genius webcomic is usually a mix of drama and comedy, but after a while I settled into a straight-man role that let me stay true to the character I'd had in mind, reacting to the madness the way he would, all while the ditzy Redhead who satrted the session playign with her cell phone quietly surprised us all by pulling her own weight.
Actually, you know what?
9:17:27 PM WarpZone: Oh god I need to tell you about the Girl genius session at DieCon.
9:17:59 PM Chris: Girl Genius? That could be excellent.
9:18:54 PM WarpZone: It wasn't the ACTUAL GG RPG because it's not out yet, but it was some simple system… Universe something or other. Used serenity-like die combos and "bennies" to cancel wounds.
9:19:47 PM Chris: But was it full of steampunky goodness?
9:19:54 PM WarpZone: Anyway, it was just me, the DM, some ditzy redhead who was preoccupied with her cell phone, and a bald goatee guy with the air of a mac user.
9:20:15 PM WarpZone: It was more full of intrigue, but it turned really silly due to the players.
9:20:57 PM Chris: Ditzy redhead = almost appropriate. Cellphone preoccupation… not so much.
Ted: I'm all about the redheads :)
9:21:07 PM WarpZone: So I am a Spark,
Ted: But are you Guilty?
there is a party going on in a mansion, and I'm invited. The host killed my father to steal a rare book. I want te book and revenge.
9:21:41 PM WarpZone: I get there, and there's to Jaggermonsters, which I discovered is pronounced Yegermonster, like the beer.
9:22:00 PM WarpZone: THATS THE KIND OF NUAUNCE I DON'T GET ON THE INTERNETS GODDAMMIT
9:22:14 PM WarpZone: Fucking words of foreign origin… anyway
9:22:25 PM Chris: He he he…
9:22:56 PM WarpZone: As we each, approach, they go "HALT!" and run a live weasel up and down our bodies. It sniffs us. It finds nothing.
Ted: What about the spice weasels?
9:23:27 PM WarpZone: The NPC behind us, he's not so lucky. "HOLD IT! HYU IS COMINK VID US!"
9:24:16 PM WarpZone: Anyway, I think there's going to be maybe half an hour of intrigue as we make ourselves inconspicuous, try to find an excuse to break away and search the house, maybe meet each other and team up.
9:24:50 PM WarpZone: Instead, Red sees the staircase with the movie-theatre-style bright red silk rope across the way, and immediately ducks under it and goes upstairs.
9:25:15 PM WarpZone: I watch her for a couple of seconds, thinking "It *can't* be that easy…" and when nothing bad happens to her, I follow her.
9:25:26 PM Chris: That's… kinda pathetic.
9:25:29 PM WarpZone: Then the guy follows me.
9:25:36 PM WarpZone: No, it worked out great in character.
9:26:10 PM WarpZone: See, *everybody* at the ball saw us, but *nobody* cared.
9:27:19 PM Chris: Ahhh. Well, okay, then.
But geez, I mean, usually you'd have to sneak off WITH Red for that sort of thing.
Ted: They probably thought they were doing the whole mile-high club thing. You know, "I'll go to the bathroom and you follow in a minute…"
9:27:29 PM WarpZone: So I get to the top of the steps. Red is hesitating, and it occurs to me that she's going to see me and realize that I'm following her… and we haven't been introduced. So I get to the top of the stairs, and I go "Well… this is awkward." And from behind me, I hear "It looks even *worse* from back *here!*"
9:27:54 PM WarpZone: Did I mention baldy was playing a female character?
9:28:41 PM Chris: No, you didn't.
9:28:51 PM WarpZone: Neither did he.
9:28:58 PM WarpZone: But it soon became apparent.
Ted: "I roll to seduce him! Er, her. *rolls* YEAH! Dude, I can totally seduce any homophobe with that roll!"
9:29:16 PM WarpZone: He has taken a female mini, but I didn't notice it until it was entirely too late.
9:29:36 PM Chris: Ahh, I see.
9:29:58 PM WarpZone: His chick: "Do you know where… the wine is?"
9:30:06 PM WarpZone: Me: "I believe it's downstairs with the-"
9:30:18 PM WarpZone: "Then what on EARTH are you doing up HERE!?"
9:30:29 PM WarpZone: "…I could ask you the same question."
9:30:35 PM WarpZone: "You could. But you won't."
9:30:41 PM WarpZone: "I believe I just did."
9:31:03 PM WarpZone: "Oh, you're a *quick one,* aren't you."
Ted: Is he deliberately trying to pull off dialogue that sounds like someone trying to be witty but missing the mark by a wide margin, or did he just stumble into it naturally?
9:31:18 PM WarpZone: Red: "While they're doing that, can I just walk away?"
9:31:24 PM WarpZone: GM: Roll a sneak check.
9:31:35 PM WarpZone: *red is walked through making a skill check*
9:31:51 PM WarpZone: Red: "HA! I did it! I snuck away while you two were arguing!"
9:32:23 PM Chris: "Make a Move Silently check." "I ROLLED A 3"
Ted: "STOP USING PEREGRINE'S DICE!!!"
9:32:32 PM WarpZone: XD
9:33:05 PM WarpZone: So, now I realized he was playing a chick, I modify my tone slightly… but only slightly, since he's being a victorian train wreck in any gender.
9:33:53 PM Chris: Which is okay, so long as it's a STEAM train wreck.
9:33:55 PM WarpZone: "If that's your attitude, I'll take my leave of you. But I have one piece of advice for you…" *dramatic tone* "Stay out of my way."
9:34:22 PM WarpZone: *Coyer than those guys who fought with the Martins* "Ooooooooooor?"
9:35:19 PM WarpZone: "(And I give her my sparkiest mad scientist glare,) 'Or I'll have my *friend…* play you a *tune.* ' "
9:35:52 PM WarpZone: And with that, I thrust my nose into the air, turn and strut into the next room as if I own the place.
9:35:55 PM WarpZone: I trip him.
9:35:57 PM WarpZone: Roll for it.
9:35:59 PM Chris: On his *trumpet.* Accompanied by *Mr. B*
Ted: Naturally… :)
9:36:36 PM WarpZone: Actually, my backstory was that I'd secretly replaced the 5-piece band of clanks with ones of my own design. At the touch of a button, they'd deploy hidden guns and come to my aid.
Ted: Seventy-six trombones lead the first brigade!…
9:36:53 PM WarpZone: I just said it to be egnigmatic.
9:37:22 PM WarpZone: See, I was trying for at least a *little* drama, but he broke the dial off at "Wacky."
Ted: Wait. You were threatening a woman with the orchestral version of a transformer… and you think HE was the one bringing the wacky? :)
9:37:54 PM Chris: That's what I was trying to do. With the help of Mr. B!
Ted: Again, naturally…
9:38:27 PM WarpZone: Fortunately, his material was good enough, somehow, that it kept our spirits up. Redhead was kinda lost and roaming around, so it was pretty much every man for himself, so to speak… and THEN the dude's WIFE showed up.
9:38:36 PM WarpZone: And asked if she could be delt in.
9:38:54 PM WarpZone: So she plays as her husband's character's husband.
9:39:25 PM WarpZone: Comes in the front door, sees the red rope dangling from one banister on the staircase, and immediately joins us upstairs.
9:39:29 PM Chris: … and I will NOT make a joke about them getting off on that.
9:39:44 PM WarpZone: "Is that the sound of meddling I hear? Oh, hello, honey!"
9:40:07 PM Chris: What does meddling sound like? *meddle meddle meddle*
Ted: Is that kinda like"Wort Wort Wort!"?
9:42:28 PM WarpZone: I don't know what they fucking do in their spare time, but they had these characters down *pat.* He channeled this aloof, troublemaking shrew. She embodied this smug, womanizing playboy. They were evil seperately. Together, they were an invincible tag-team as they ransacked the house.
Ted: Kinda sounds like that couple from Scrubs. You know, the head doctor and the gal from the Drew Carey show.
9:42:54 PM Chris: Nice.
9:43:18 PM WarpZone: I finally find the library just as they're getting done searching it. "Be sure and check the larger books, dear… They might contain hidden compartments."
9:43:41 PM WarpZone: "I'm sorry… but are you two simply *robbing* the place?"
9:43:50 PM WarpZone: "Why, no— what ever gave you that idea?"
9:43:56 PM Chris: (Pillage, THEN burn)
Ted: What happened to the raping?
9:45:21 PM WarpZone: "The reason I ask, is because if you are, you should know that the master bedroom is downstairs, just off the main hallway. There was some nice stuff in there. Looked pretty valuable." (Hoping they'll leave as I systematically thumb through the spines.)
9:45:36 PM Chris: (Also, a side quote from Carol: "I never seem to care about my Constitution until after I've died.")
9:45:42 PM WarpZone: (You don't find the book you're looking for.)
9:45:51 PM WarpZone: That is an excellent side quote.
9:46:23 PM WarpZone: Still, she named a character after her dex, so you'd think she'd never have to perform the experiment.
9:46:59 PM WarpZone: Woman playing the man: "This is taking too long… dear, check under the bookcases, would you?"
9:47:17 PM WarpZone: Man playing the woman: *gesture* "BAM!"
9:49:07 PM WarpZone: So, later on, we hear screams from below as the party is broken up by giant slaver wasps
Ted: "Your pollen AND your wife!"
, husband and wife break out a pistol and rifle, and Red meets the woman playing the man and she's a perfect gentleman… with ulterior motives of getting into her pants.
9:49:16 PM WarpZone: I don't think red notices.
9:49:27 PM WarpZone: Later, when husband and wife are alone:
9:50:06 PM WarpZone: Woman playing man: "Oh, at this rate, how will I *ever* get you two into the same bed at once!?" (note of whiney despair at the end)
9:50:31 PM Chris: He he he… . That's terrible.
9:50:35 PM WarpZone: Man playing the woman: "Brandy and Opium, dear. Brandy and Opium."
9:50:59 PM WarpZone: WITHOUT MISSING A BEAT.
9:51:32 PM Chris: Laudinum! Should've been laudinum. Still, awesome.
Ted: What's laudinum?
9:52:25 PM WarpZone: So, we keep exploring, a secret passage to the cellar is found, giant bugs are encountered.
Ted: "Quick! Call the SWAT team!" :)
Ted: (props to OotS for the best SWAT reference EVER)
Man-playing-woman gets the big gun because she seems the most in need of defense… she fires it for the first time ever… and kills the giant bug in one shot.
9:52:38 PM WarpZone: Ends up firign the gun three times, and getting three kills.
9:53:10 PM Chris: So, what Peregrine always wanted to be.
Ted: Okay, I think if Peregrine's attack rolls were done Cthulu-style (you know, 1 is an automatic success), the sniping would have gone much better…
Ted: … and the Spot and Hide checks.
Ted: Seriously, how can he have a +15 to Spot and still fail so miserably? Why? WHY?!!!!!!!!!!
9:53:43 PM WarpZone: Later, I finally catch up and find the secret passage, and they are at the bottom of it. Red is hiding in the pantry because the basement is FULL of giant bugs.
Ted: And she hides in the pantry? What do you think the giant bugs are after?!!!
Husband and wife are firing from the bottom of the stairs when I open the hatch and, seeing them at the bottom, go "MAKE WAY!" I'm in no mood for their sheinanegains.
9:54:07 PM WarpZone: IMMEDIATE response: "Oh, be my guest!" (From the man-playing-the-woman.)
9:55:00 PM WarpZone: By this point, I've accepted the role of straight-man to their Abbot and Stella, so I remark "perhaps I misjudged her…" as I start down the ladder.
9:55:28 PM WarpZone: "Or then again… perhaps not," she wryly remarks as I touch down.
9:55:52 PM WarpZone: It is at this point that I am disappointed to discover that my so-called Death Ray requires several hits to take down a bug.
9:56:17 PM Chris: So it's more of a "mild inconvenience ray"
Ted: "The freeze ray isn't one hundred percent… Captain Hammer… he threw a car at my head."
9:56:26 PM WarpZone: Me: "This isn't a Death-Ray! It's a Wound Ray!"
9:57:00 PM WarpZone: GM: "Well, it's built for concealability, not raw power.
9:57:19 PM WarpZone: Cue the gun envy jokes from the woman.
9:57:45 PM WarpZone: Impotent threat from me about there being only *one* requirement to make it be a Death Ray.
Ted: "Impotent threat" = Reason he has the gun envy :)
9:58:15 PM Chris: I want to create a Deaf Ray. Or perhaps a Def Ray.
Ted: What about a blue ray? I hear those are good.
9:58:39 PM WarpZone: You turn a Def Ray up loud enough, it becomes a Deaf Ray.
9:59:13 PM Chris: Quite.
9:59:38 PM WarpZone: Anyway, we finally find a tunnel out of the basement, find the guy's secret underground laboratories, and eventually, the nest where all the giant bugs are coming from, including a queen and two enslaved mad scientists.
10:00:11 PM Chris: I'd be pissed, too, if I were enslaved.
10:00:30 PM WarpZone: No, you really wouldn't. By definition, you enjoy mind control.
10:00:49 PM WarpZone: I mean, unless the Illithid is *really* a douchebag.
10:01:17 PM WarpZone: So Red, also, a Spark, spends a round analyzing our foes, and learns that if we can kill the Queen, all the others will die.
10:01:42 PM Chris: "I must kill ……… the Queen."
10:01:57 PM WarpZone: We concentrate our fire on the queen, but not 'till one of the mad scientists has already dies.
10:02:43 PM WarpZone: We get the mask off the dead mad scientist, and the GM reveals that, tragically, he was Red's lost brother she was trying to rescue.
10:02:47 PM WarpZone: "Noooooooooo!"
10:03:02 PM WarpZone: Which means the other one, still alive, is our host this evening.
10:03:11 PM WarpZone: Me: "Oh, good!" *BANG!*
10:03:17 PM Chris: He h ehe…
10:03:37 PM WarpZone: Me: "You know, you could have just as easily have said it the other way and made everybody happy."
10:03:48 PM WarpZone: GM: "I *could* have… where's the fun in that?"
Ted: Oh, I like this guy…
10:04:13 PM WarpZone: GM: "Oh, and you find all the magruffins in the lair."
10:04:45 PM WarpZone: I should put this on the wiki…
10:05:21 PM Chris: Oh, I'll lair HER McGuffins.
Ted: You're a McGuffin!
Yes, you should, on a side page as a fun game writeup. It's always helpful to look at those when you're planning out a new campaign or something.