Invader Kim

Rollergirl Character

Name: Kimberly Swanson
Derby Name: Invader Kim
Height: 5'2"
Weight: 110 lb
Archetype: Weirdo

Invader Kim is a nondescript brunette with a lithe, willowy build. She would probably be pretty if she ever smiled. But a cold, blank stare is usually all you'll get. Oh god, she's staring into your soul. Stop that! It's creepy!

Compute: Beauty


St. Louis Archrivals Rollergirls - and

Uniform: blue, star-spangled top.

Uniform Mods
Black stockings with silver lightning bolts down the sides. Cheap neon green swimming goggles glued to helmet, with neon pink lenses. Makeup varies, depending on the mood she's going for, but is almost always geared towards making her look like some sort of alien. Some say she's creepier without the makeup.

Dumb Stats

Body 9
Brain 16
Nerve 14

Parkour +3
Swimming +2
Physics +1

Job - College Student 13
Derby Role - Jammer 14
Gimmick - Wait, where'd she go? 16

Can't take a hit 13

Health Points


Team Tactics during the Kansas City Bout

  • When Kim Jams, Dawn Pivots.
  • When Glamazon Jams, Dewy Pivots.
  • When Kim is Jammer, Blockers should focus on stonewalling blockers to keep people off of Kim.
  • When Glamazon is Jammer, Blockers should focus on slowing the other team's Jammer. Glamazon can mostly take care of herself.
  • Kat is totally cool with being used as a projectile weapon! :) She's also planning to hang out near the back of the pack to provide whips if the Jammer can't get a whip from the pivot.
  • Kim is a rubbish blocker, but will do her best to wield Kat wisely!
  • Moxie likes to pick on the little ones. Kim is glad they're on the same side.

Character Backstory

Who Would Play Her in the Movie?
Summer Glau

Tag Line:
"I am a perfectly normal human." O__O

Dumb Fact:
Goes barefoot a lot, especially in the summer.

History (Spoiler Warning!)
Kim was diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder at a fairly young age. Her brain is just plain wired funny. Although she is relatively high-functioning and experiences a normal range of emotion, she processes information differently than most people, and tends to want to express herself in ways that she finds intuitive, but no one else will.

However, being diagnosed at a young age comes with advantages. By being aware of her condition, Kim has been able to work around her disability. Though consciously studying and mimicking the behaviors of Normals, and especially by working with a personality coach throughout high school, she has been trained to affect the mannerisms of a normal person. Smile when happy. Pout when sad. Talk about the weather with strangers, health concerns with parents or doctors, and existential quandaries ONLY with individuals known to be pursuing a philosophy major. That kind of thing. By carefully following the rules she has learned, Kimberly can pass as normal in most social situations.

However, doing so is a constant effort.

And then Kimberly discovered Roller Derby! She observed that "by adopting insane, over-the-top personas, Derby Girls are able to act out in ways typically considered socially unacceptable." So, inspired by a cartoon featuring an incredibly odd main character which was nevertheless fairly well-recieved, Kimberly reinvented herself as "Invader Kim."

Derby is a safe space (you know, except for the constant physical danger,) in which Kimberly can act on her impulses, and even play up the behaviors she normally keeps in check. Gawk at strangers. Blurt out weird things. Make references no one will ever GET because, no, they HAVEN'T seen that one book or movie or TV show you saw that one time and practically memorized.

As far as anyone back home (except her parents) knows, Kimberly Swanson really is a 'perfectly normal human.' Invader Kim, on the other hand, is a total Space Case! And even if it costs her another broken arm or a concussion, Kimberly wouldn't trade Derby for anything…

"…reasonably attainable through conventional human bargaining."

Skating Style
Kim sucks at Blocking, and she knows it. As a Jammer, though, she shines. Typical strategy is to avoid blockers whenever possible and focus on building up speed. When she is forced into confrontation with an opponent, she will wait for the opponent to strike, and then suddenly cut speed or shift direction, using the momentum of her adversary against her. When this fails, it backfires spectacularly, but it succeeds often enough that Kim considers it a better alternative than a head-on collision. When she's performing at her best, Kim delivers consistent straightaway speed-building, punctuated by spectacular feints, dodges and improvised maneuvers that take her over, under and around opponents. But never through. God forbid through!

Signature Moves
The Turntable: First showcased at the Kansas City Bout when Invader Kim was being introduced to the crowd. Built up speed before her introduction, then when her name was called, dropped her arms to her side and stood up straight, looking like she was standing perfectly still despite her momentum carrying her forward… except also slowly rotating in place, as if on a turntable. I figure she could turn at most 2 or 3 times before needing to build up speed again. She can do this on the straightaways, but not on the curves, and it took lots of practice to perfect this move. Like the Moonwalk, the fact that she's able to make it look like she's doing nothing at all is, in fact, the hard part.

Parkour Amble: Fallen Blocker in your path? Don't know what to do? Just treat her like a concrete bench and amble over that shit while maintaining your speed! Just make sure she's not aware of what you're planning… we don't want a repeat of Memphis!

+Session Notes

Session 1

Session 2
aw, crap, I lost my original notes due to a kernal panic. The ONE TIME I take notes!!!

After paying for our purchases, we made ready to get back on the bus. It looked like a fight was going to break out between two of the larger girls, so Kim hid behind the largest girl of all, the one who had given her the nickname "snack size." Nicknames are often a form of endearment, or at least indicators of social positioning and therefore suggest an implied Social Contract. In any case, Kim was reasonably confident that Kat would be more interested in a fight than the girl hiding behind her. If worse came to worst, she could always run like the dickens and put some obstacles between them.

But when challenged, one of the large girls, SuperTramp, folded like a house of cards and broke down crying. It was at this moment Kim's brain, quietly puttering away in the background, put two and two together and inferred that the man injured on the radio was, in fact, a relative of SuperTramp's.

In any case, Glamazon seemed unsure how to react to the sudden tears, and after a moment's pause, tries being nicer and asks what's wrong. SuperTramp spills the whole story… it turns out, Kim was correct! He's her brother, in fact! In the car later, Kim offers a bite of her pie. SuperTramp approves!

(Then Moxie asked the infamous Baywatch Question, at which point, Kate asked what our sexumalities were. Chris works out roughly what the percentages are IRL and then rolls for it. I roll and get a 15, and ask Chris what that is on his scale. "Gay.") Kate backs off on making me roll to resist motorboating Moxie. Instead, I just say "Kim stares blankly." Which, to be fair, is all Kim ever does, but apparently Normals can tell the difference between Typical Space Case blank staring and Awkward Wide-On blank staring. (Tricksy Normals! We hates them! Except when Hormones says we loves them. Filthy Hormones! We hates them! Etc.)

Finally we get to Kansas City. Kim scopes out the local parkour scene, especially along the route in plain sight she's guaranteed to traverse at least four times before she goes home. Satisfied, she returns inside and joins the pool party. At Kat's "Tig Old Bitties" remark, Kim just stares for a moment, feeling cornered, caught. One awkward silence later, she manages to spit out "huh?" At which point Kat lets out a cackle.

After the practice session, we're beginning to understand each others' skating styles. Kim uses her teammates as a springboard when possible for a speed boost, and tries to go for maximum speed on the straightaways, eventually lapping the opponent's Jammer and achieving a "Golden Unicorn." In contrast, Glamazon doesn't have that kind of speed, and focuses on delaying the other team's Jammer as much as she can, bouncing off enemy blockers by hitting them as hard as they hit her. At the afterparty, we talk shop, and start to agree on some general tactics.

Glamazon: "Incredible speed out there!"

Kim: "I am a perfectly normal unicorn." O__O

Glamazon: "… of course you are!"

At one point, Kim suggests to SuperTramp that she call and check on her brother. Kim then silently follows SuperTramp outside and watches in the doorway like a creepy little stalker. SuperTramp notices immediately, but Kim just keeps on staring. So Kim walks down the street a bit for privacy. Later, she asks "What was that all about?"

"I was concerned." O__O

"Yeah? Well, here's one more thing for your to be concerned about. My brother is gone! He disappeared from the hospital last night!"

The next day, SuperTramp heads home. Before she leaves, Kim asks if there's anything the girls can do to help find her brother. She says to just win this bout for them. Kim promises they will do their best.

On the way into the… um… skate place… Kim reacts to the crowd of Westborough Baptist Church protesters by blankly making direct eye contact with one protestor, then slowly rotating her neck like an owl as she passes, until she can't crane any further, whereupon she suddenly snaps to another face further ahead.

When an individual carrying a sign protesting gay marriage throws a rotten tomato at Kim, she fails to utilize her mad dodge skillz, probably because she was focusing on doing that creepy thing with her neck. She staggers for a moment, then continues walking in a straight line, swiftly pulling out her phone, snapping a photo of the person who threw the tomato, then pocketing it again, all in one smooth, almost mechanical motion.

When she hears the sounds of Kat beating down her attackers, a thin smile briefly crosses her lips.

Later, in the locker room, she stares blankly at Kat for several seconds, before saying "THANK YOU." O__O

(Hypothetical conversation - Kim: "How did they know?" Kat: *snort* "Everyone knows!")

She leaves her smartphone with the Team Captain, Katemous Prime, asking that she hang onto it in case SuperTramp calls, and saying that "you may play Angry Birds, but please don't buy anything."

When introduced, Kate shows off a new signature move she's been rehearsing, The Turntable, described above.

When the opposing team entered to the sounds of Chumbawumba's Tubthumping, all Kim could think was "I wish I could get up again!"

TODO: kite to Mox, bulldozer x2, if V:TM boss I am halucinating, otherwise second photo and CDC. parkade for BCs if time; unlikely

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